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Silly Ol' Wit

*** It's important for me to state, upfront, that I have several family members who are hard of hearing, including one of my favorite humans ever, my mom. This blog is not meant to make fun of anyone who is hard of hearing. All of the examples below are taken from humans who do not require hearing aids who misheard - not because of hearing loss - but because our brains just play tricks on us sometimes. 

There are a few movies I could act out, word for word, from beginning to end. Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Grease, The Sound of Music, and Elf come to mind. And Mary Poppins. I can't count how many times I've watched that movie. I was (am) obsessed with Julie Andrews. Imagine my surprise when, one day a few years ago, I realized that all my life I misheard a line in the script.

Mary takes the children on an outing and they encounter a man, Bert, making chalk drawings. He's crouched over and comes upon an image that is plain blue with a gold frame. Mary's shadow appears in the blue area. 

Bert: Wait! Don't move. Don't move a muscle... I know that [__________] anywhere... Mary Poppins! 
Mary: It's nice to see you again, Bert.

I always thought he said, "silly ol' wit." It makes sense. Bert and Mary knew each other before and, from what you've seen of her so far (cleaning the nursery by snapping), she's silly and when you're a kid you think anyone over 18 is old and she's got a great accent and put Mr. Banks in his place when she answered his advertisement, so she's witty. Silly ol' wit. 

Actually, he says silhouette. And I didn't realize that until I was in my 30s. I love when things like that happen! 

I also love misheard song lyrics. It tickles me when people hear something a songwriter never intended. Bonus points are awarded if the misheard lyric still makes sense, but it's not a requirement. 

Examples...

From my aunt...
Misheard: You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille... with 400 children and the crop in the field...
Actual: You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille... with 4 hungry children and the crop in the field...

From my uncle...
Misheard: Two Pop Tarts, two tarts that heat as one... (I still contend that this should have been the Pop Tarts jingle... missed opportunity).
Actual: Two of hearts, two hearts that beat as one...

From my aunt (the same one!)...
Misheard: If I didn't have you I know I'd be, floundering around like a chimpanzee...
Actual: If I didn't have you I know I'd be, floundering around like a ship at sea...

This one is mine...
Misheard: I'm never gonna dance again, your two feet have got no rhythm... 
Actual: I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm... 

From Phoebe (Friends)...
Misheard: Hold me closer Tony Danza... (my fellow "Friends" fans will know this one is Phoebe Buffay's)
Actual: Hold me closer tiny dancer...

From everyone who has ever heard the song...
Misheard: Revved up like a douche another loner in the night...
Actual: Revved up like a deuce another runner in the night...

I also enjoy the feeling you get when you learn the actual lyrics or realize their meaning. 

Examples: 

  • "Do that to me one more time, once is never enough for a girl like me..."
    • Whaaaaaaat? Someone wrote that... and it was a hit! I'm going to go out on a limb and say it was the same people who approved the Shake Weight. 
  • "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
    • What's in this drink? Holy shit! No means no. Take a hint, asshat!
  • Benny Mardones was 33 years old when "Into the Night," a song about a 16-year old, hit the Billboard charts the first time. And yes, it hit the charts TWICE! 
  • "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"
    • Contrary to the belief of an old roommate, this is not a song about a girl with pretty eyes.
  • Almost every song in "Grease." 
    • Funny story: My mom didn't let me watch Tom & Jerry, the cartoon, because she thought it was too violent but I started watching Grease before I was on solid foods. Violence? Pass. Sex? Who else is going to teach her what a "real pussy wagon" is?

What about you? Share your misheard song lyrics, movie lines, meanings, etc.! And Missy Elliot lyrics don't count... she's the only one who knows what she's saying!