Coming Out of the Dark
Hey there... it's been awhile, huh? I kind of disappeared. 2017 has been crappy, and that’s an understatement.
If it hasn’t been one thing, it’s been another and all of the things have piled up and caused downward shifts ranging from a slight drop to a major slide. From the slight pang of disappointment when I found out that Netflix cancelled “Murder, She Wrote,” to the heartbreaking, devastating moment I found out that our family had lost a very young loved one to cancer, there hasn't been much room for positivity and the positive things that have happened have been difficult to celebrate. Moments of joy have been few and fleeting.
While I'm aware that there are people in the world who have it far worse, I allow myself to experience my emotions without comparing them to others. There will always be someone worse (and better) off, but that doesn't mean I can't be sad, hurt, anxious, depressed, etc. And I felt all of those things already this year.
I struggled to get perspective, so I tucked myself snugly into my Cancer crab shell to hide from it all. I didn’t know how to return to the status quo, perhaps because the status quo seems to have disappeared. In addition to a giant pile of personal events, there’s all of this new POTUS stuff going on. The world has shifted in ways that make me feel as though blogging about anything positive (or even neutral) is impossible, wasteful, and unproductive. I struggled to figure out how to return to the blog and not use my “voice” to fight for the things I believe in.
But, I realized that I don’t want a blog where people heatedly debate each other, trade barbs, display their ignorance, attack, become vulnerable, passive aggressive, about the new POTUS. I don’t want to provide fuel to the already raging fire. I don't want this to be a place that contributes to the noise. It was never my vision to have a blog like that. So, I’m not going to.
I battled with that decision. I don't want to feel judged for not using the blog to speak up about the POTUS. I don't want people to think I am disengaged. If you know me in real life, you know how I feel. I don't keep my political beliefs a secret. But I also don't engage in debates about politics with others on Facebook or with strangers. I do things in my own way to try to make a difference. If anyone wants to talk about the new POTUS one-on-one, I’m in.
I am political. I didn't attend a women's march (the thought of it was enough to give me an anxiety attack), but I have to be ready to speak up and fight for what I believe in almost every time I use a public restroom. Holding hands at the grocery store or saying, “my wife” can be a political statement. I protest one human at a time. I stick up for people who are bullied. I donate money to causes that have established voices for the things I believe in. I post, in my own way, about causes that are important to me. I have strong thoughts and opinions on almost everything, but I, along with many people I know, are overwhelmed by it all and looking for places to escape, even for a minute. When you're at a dinner party and you only know the host and you want to support them, sometimes you sneak off to the guest room for a moment to gather yourself and think of more topics to make small talk about. I want a tiny, safe, happy place to share thoughts about things that won't cause the need for me to approve, moderate, or disable comments. For now, I'm okay with this being a place for small talk.
I don’t live in a world where I’m only friends with people who vote a certain way. I don’t want to live in a world where I’m only friends with people who think exactly like me. There are people in my life who I love dearly who voted for our current president (I clearly am unable to say his name). Anyway, I didn't become friends with them because of their political beliefs; I became friends with them because they're good, kind people. I'm sure I have friends who disagree with some of the things I believe in. That's okay! I'm not going to provide a place where people have to defend themselves publicly. The current political events are extremely important and I will continue to use my voice in ways that feel right for me, but don't expect to see it here very often. Here, you'll find random, cute, funny, thoughtful stories about every day life.
Now that I've figured out how to explain why the blog has been silent for awhile, I'll get back to it. Off to finish the draft I have in the works!